Sleepless nights

It’s been a long night.  I stayed up until midnight working on MOPS stuff then woke up at 3am with a child.   The child went back to bed but the mama is still awake.  In the last few hours, I’ve read my Bible, journaled, prayed, and learned.  It’s been a night of restlessness inside my soul.  There are many things I’m worried about – the upcoming year with its responsibilities, our kiddos, unfinished projects, unstarted projects, etc. but ultimately, that’s not what is keeping me awake.  My sin is keeping me awake.  Through the sweetness of the Holy Spirit, I realized that I’m scared about my performance in all the above areas.  How will the way I handle the year’s responsibilities make me look?  How will it advance my “career”?  I’m thinking about me and not about God.  Oh how that pains me to admit!  It’s embarrassing; it’s ugly; and it’s absolutely true.

In light of that, I’m thankful for 2 specific things. First, this verse which I keep preaching to myself, “…But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and the Spirit of our God.”  Thank you, thank you, thank you God!  He has washed me, made me holy through Christ, and given me a right standing before God.  How my soul needs that news today!  Second, I’m thankful for communion with Him through His word.  Apart from His word, I honestly don’t know if I would have realized my own nasty sin this morning.  As one of my friends said so well this week, “This whole commitment (to reading the New Testament this summer) has even more solidified for me my deep need to be in the Word more. It is more apparent to me that I must be in the Word to be able to fully see my sin. It’s only when I am in the Word do I better understand my depravity and in realizing my great sin, I in turn more fully realize the greatness of grace. (like Romans 5:20- “…But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more!”) When I am not in the Word, it is easy for me to think I am “doing okay” it is when I am in the Word the spirit reminds me at a given point in the day “wow, just saying that unkind word to/about someone is enough to damn me to an eternity in hell” Praise the Lord for His unending grace!!!”  Amen!

Even though my eyes and body hurt from lack of sleep, I really am thankful for these times with the Lord.  Sometimes my house is so beautifully quiet at these wee hours of the morning.  And now I can say, so is my soul.

Lord, thank you for caring so deeply about the health of my soul.  Thank you for not allowing sleep before teaching me again of your constant grace.  Help me not to be a crabby, tired mama today but a rejoicing, redeemed one.  How I love you.  Amen


2 thoughts on “Sleepless nights

  1. Thank you for sharing this with me. I am always thinking that I am not god enough to be saved by my Savior. That is one of my greatest sins, although there are alot of others. Love you.

  2. How beautiful to see the LORD work in you. By the way, He also answered the last part of your prayer, you were definitely a rejoicing, loving mama today!!! God is so good!!!

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