I had the privilege of attending the MOPS International Convention over the weekend. 3200 Mother Of PreSchoolers met to listen, learn, worship, and grow in God. It was a very memorable experience. I learned several things that I hope will make me a different mom going forward. On our long ride home yesterday, we talked about how we were all changed, how we wanted our lives to look different and I thought about specific steps I would take upon arriving home.
Then I got home… and all my old ways returned. I found myself being overprotective to my active boys, controlling about schedules, disenchanted with diets, and so on. I thought, “What a wimp I am! I’ve crumbled within 2.5 hours of returning home.” You see, I live with the constant thought that I am a terrible mom. Deep inside me, that statement feels true more often that not. I love and adore my kids with sincerity yet that doesn’t seem to translate into “good mom”. I more often feel like a failure than a success. Thanks be to God for changing my perspective this weekend. As I poured our my heart to Him, confessing this nagging thought to Him, He reminded me ever so sweetly that I am not a terrible mom but an equipped mom. He has equipped me through His Holy Spirit to be the mom of our specific children. I am not equipped for anyone else’s kids but I am fully equipped through Him for ours. As I confessed my feelings of failure to Him, He did not say, “Oh, you’re doing great. Keep up the hard work.” And I am so grateful that He didn’t! If He responded simply with encouraging words, the pressure to perform is right back on my shoulders, setting me up again for failure. Instead, He reminded me that the burden is His, these children are His, and I am His.
So what do I do when the feelings of failure return? Fight! I will not allow these thoughts to take residence in my being. My God is Truth. He is alive. He is my Equipper. He is the Lover of me and my whole family. Fight, fight, fight to keep His Truth in the forefront of my mind! His Holy Spirit lives inside me and inside those marked with His name. There is nothing out of His realm of expertise, nothing too hard for Him, nothing that would surprise Him. How amazing that I can rely on that! No book, no PhD, no degree, no amount of money could offer that kind of wisdom. I am an equipped mom. I am a fighter. Thank you Lord.
I’m starting to hear the Rocky theme song and I’m getting pumped.