Waiting on diamonds

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The last week has taught me that this recovery process is going to be full of ups and downs.  (That’s life, right?)  I had a great start to last week, only to end the week in a puddle of tears.  A friend (who is an ICU nurse) explained to me that the brain will make the body regress if the brain is not ready to heal.  That is exactly what I experienced last week.  I felt good in the beginning of the week and tried to get back into many aspects of my regular life but it must have been too soon.  I have definitely regressed.  Many things that should be simple are still so frustratingly hard.  I dropped an entire cake.  I’ve spilled countless drinks.  I’ve dropped and thus shattered 3 glasses.  I’m socially awkward.  I forget nearly everything.

Emotionally, it feels like I’m going through a bit of a grieving process.  I really miss my normal life.  In the last few weeks, I’ve met some well-meaning folks who have told me about their concussion or their child’s concussion, etc. who was back to normal after 3 days.  I really don’t know what to say when people tell me these stories.  I’m so glad that happened to them.  I’m intensely sad at times that is not my story… but there is nothing I can do about it.  Thank you to all of you who have been patient with me.  You have no idea what kind of gift you are giving me.

Today I read in Psalm 5,

Give ear to my words, O LORD; consider my groaning.  Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to You do I pray.

Then I journaled,

Lord, I may have never felt this vulnerable before in my life.  I’ve never felt like I needed Your shelter so much.  I’ve never desired a Protector so deeply but You are all these things.  I don’t have many words these days but I do have plenty of groans and cries. Thank you for hearing me and knowing the sounds of my cries. Just like You give a mother the ability to hear the difference in her baby’s pain cry, scared cry, tired cry, mad cry, You do that with me. I pray to a God who hears what I do not even say and that is so comforting.  Thank you Lord.

May you, my friend, be comforted by a God who hears the sound of your cries.  May you rejoice today in the mystery of God’s works.  May you see Him in your pain and loneliness.  May His face shine upon your tear-stained cheeks to turn your tears into diamonds.  

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7 thoughts on “Waiting on diamonds

  1. Sweet Betsy!
    I have your blog emailed to me, and I read the first post i the middle of the night when feeding my baby. I honestly had forgotten whose blog it was (on my phone there are no pics), and I just began to pray for you. I have prayed for you on and off the since I read it. Last night, I was on IG, and it linked me back to your blog! I have been praying for you this whole time, and I had no idea it was you! I am so so sorry about your brain injury. My husband was in a wreck three summers ago and had a brain injury. They are so incredibly frustrating! I will continue to pray for complete (and quick!) healing for your brain and also for your family. love~Amanda Bousson Cantrell

    • Precious Amanda. What an incredibly cool story. Thank you so much for your prayers and your faithfulness to pray for someone who may have been a stranger to you. I love how God works. I am so sorry for your husband and all that your family has likely been through with that. I so appreciate your understanding and prayers and hope that your hubby is wonderfully healed now. Sending love to you and yours.

  2. Betsy, you have been in our thoughts and prayers! My mother suffered a severe brain injury that took her 7 years to recover and is still not fully recovered. I tell you this only so you will know that people heal at their own time and the brain injury is a major recovery. My Mom’s injury might of been more severe than yours but there were times when we wondered why she wasn’t recovering faster. Try not to be hard on yourself and try to trust in Him at all times. I know having little ones in the house can make you want to jump up immediately because you almost have to but allow this time of slowing down to be time to get closer to the Lord. He has you slowing down right now for a reason, try to enjoy this season in life and you will recover exactly how He has planned.

    Thinking of you sweet girl!

    • Thank you so much for your encouragement, wise advice, prayers, and understanding. What a blessing to me. I am so sorry for all that you have been through with your mother. Please tell her that I am encouraged by her story. I can only hope that someday this part of my story will be encouraging to someone else as well. Thanks so much again.

  3. You continue to amaze me! In your recovery, you are still serving others! You are an inspiration! I miss seeing you! Your true love for people is one of my favorite things about you. Still praying. Thank you for writing about your progress! You are truly brave!

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