Today is my 4 month anniversary of hitting my head. I know it seems like a weird anniversary to celebrate, but to me, it feels like something that I never want to forget. 4 months ago, I had absolutely no idea that my life would take such an unexpectedly crazy turn… but God knew from the beginning of time. I am thankful to say that I am finally feeling pretty much back to normal. Last week, as I was putting our son, Drew, to bed, he said, “Mom, you finally have your personality back.” My husband echoed those words yesterday, noticing that it felt like he had me back again. I cannot even tell you how sweet those words are to my ears. There were many moments over the past 124 days when I feared I would stay a shell of myself forever. I am truly beyond grateful to God for his healing.
I say that I’m “pretty much” back to normal because I don’t think I’ll really ever be the same as I was pre-concussion. After I hit my head, it was as if the lights went off in my life. It felt like sitting in a theatre after a grand show when suddenly all the people are gone, the music stops, the lights go off, and you are left alone in a pitch black, silent, unfamiliar place. In that darkness and silence, your eyes can discern the dimmest light and your ears begin to hear the tiniest of sounds. God had my attention in a way that absolutely could not have happened without the darkness. And He filled my soul with a light that I would not have known without the darkness.
God once again reminded me that He is the meticulous caretaker of my soul. There is no trial or hardship that touches me that has not first been sifted through His loving hands. The physical health of my body is of some value but the health of my soul is of utmost importance. And if trial brings a healthier soul, my God will lovingly send it my way. “For physical training is of some value but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8) How I thank God for training me for this life AND for the life to come through His sovereign care and plan. For those of you going through hardship (and I know there are many, and many with trials much worse than mine), dare to see this hardship as an arrow of love from our Lord. Dare to trust Him as your meticulous Soul Gardener. Let the warmth of His light draw your face and your heart upward, looking beyond this life and into the life to come. I really believe that when we get there, all of this will make sense and we will want nothing else but to fall at His feet in worship. But for now, when you’re alone in silence and darkness…perk up your ears, search for the Light – you are never alone. Our Jesus is right there beside you.