Waiting on diamonds

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The last week has taught me that this recovery process is going to be full of ups and downs.  (That’s life, right?)  I had a great start to last week, only to end the week in a puddle of tears.  A friend (who is an ICU nurse) explained to me that the brain will make the body regress if the brain is not ready to heal.  That is exactly what I experienced last week.  I felt good in the beginning of the week and tried to get back into many aspects of my regular life but it must have been too soon.  I have definitely regressed.  Many things that should be simple are still so frustratingly hard.  I dropped an entire cake.  I’ve spilled countless drinks.  I’ve dropped and thus shattered 3 glasses.  I’m socially awkward.  I forget nearly everything.

Emotionally, it feels like I’m going through a bit of a grieving process.  I really miss my normal life.  In the last few weeks, I’ve met some well-meaning folks who have told me about their concussion or their child’s concussion, etc. who was back to normal after 3 days.  I really don’t know what to say when people tell me these stories.  I’m so glad that happened to them.  I’m intensely sad at times that is not my story… but there is nothing I can do about it.  Thank you to all of you who have been patient with me.  You have no idea what kind of gift you are giving me.

Today I read in Psalm 5,

Give ear to my words, O LORD; consider my groaning.  Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to You do I pray.

Then I journaled,

Lord, I may have never felt this vulnerable before in my life.  I’ve never felt like I needed Your shelter so much.  I’ve never desired a Protector so deeply but You are all these things.  I don’t have many words these days but I do have plenty of groans and cries. Thank you for hearing me and knowing the sounds of my cries. Just like You give a mother the ability to hear the difference in her baby’s pain cry, scared cry, tired cry, mad cry, You do that with me. I pray to a God who hears what I do not even say and that is so comforting.  Thank you Lord.

May you, my friend, be comforted by a God who hears the sound of your cries.  May you rejoice today in the mystery of God’s works.  May you see Him in your pain and loneliness.  May His face shine upon your tear-stained cheeks to turn your tears into diamonds.  

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